Fuck football. If every single professional football player disappeared off the face of the planet, it would have no detrimental effect upon the earth whatsoever. You can't say that about all professions. If every single professional airplane pilot disappeared off the face of the planet, a lot of planes would come crashing to the ground, which would only be entertaining for a little while. If every single professional grocery store clerk disappeared off the face of the planet, hundreds of children would be trampled in the mad rush towards the self-checkout lines, which would be very entertaining indeed. But football players disappearing? All that would happen is a few misshapen balls would fall to the ground during actual games, and millions of macho assholes around the world would have to come up with something else to watch together on TV while drinking beer and comparing the size of their dicks. I suggest Sesame Street. Then they can worry about why Elmo gets them hard while actually learning their ABCs, which is much more useful than the fact that big strong steroid guys can run at each other and fall down and hurt themselves. How about a little entertainment that requires brain cells. Fuck football, it's a goddam waste of time. I'm not impressed. If I want to see people hurting each other, I'll watch the debates. Give me a political candidate in a chokehold and I'm happy. Can you imagine the bliss if every single professional politician disappeared off the face of the planet? You think if we all prayed hard enough, God would grant us this wish? Why doesn't he love us enough to let us all see Hillary Clinton develop laser eyes that make Obama's head explode. That would be just as entertaining as the trampled children clutching their sour gummy worms while stampeding parents search frantically for the bar code on a mango. I'd vote for anybody with laser eyes, especially if they had a good healthcare plan that allowed everyone I dislike to die painfully. All I want to hear is the promise. They don't even have to mean it. All they need to say is if elected, they will personally see to it that all the assholes who piss me off will suddenly disappear, including them, and they've got my vote.
